Hi! I’m Stella Harris.
I’m a certified sex coach.
I draw from my own passion and life experiences as well as my professional training to provide you with an expert, grounded, outside perspective. Together, we can find where you’re getting stuck and figure out a way forward.
“Working with Stella has been life changing. Her coaching provided information and skills that have been empowering and a source of confidence for both of us. Stella’s warm personality, enthusiasm for her work, and depth of knowledge quickly put us at ease. The entire experience was joyful and rewarding, and brought us closer together as a couple.” ~Steve & Natalie
I ask the right questions to help you understand what you desire, and figure out how to get it.
I’ll help you find new ways to think about your sex life. Sometimes there’s just a little bit of missing information, and sometimes there’s a process of learning, exploration, and growth.
The thing that I love most about my work is helping you figure out the challenges facing you in your sex life right now, and knowing you’ll go home and have better sex (with a partner or with yourself) because of the work we do together.
Why sex coaching?
It’s a common enough question – with both short and long answers.
The short version: why hire a professional in any field?
You hire a personal trainer to have more effective workouts, to meet your fitness goals, and to have accountability around showing up.
Well, you hire a sex coach for all the same reasons.
A sex coach can spot issues or sticking points in your current sex life, help you prioritize your goals, and provide accountability (and cheerleading – without the outfit.)
The sex coaching I offer builds on the life coaching training I’ve received, and acknowledges how integral sex and sexuality are to your overall wellbeing. I don’t just help you have better sex, I help you redefine what sex means to you. Many of my sessions include “ah-ha” moments for my clients when I suggest more ways they can achieve connection and intimacy.
Because sex is so much more than mashing our genitals together. Sex is a way to feel united with our partners, sex is a way to feel deep connection, and sex is a way to feel one with ourselves.
All these things apply whether we’re having sex with ourselves, with a single partner, or with multiple partners.
A big part of sex coaching is sex education. The information people receive around sex and sexuality rarely includes how to give and receive pleasure, and how to form healthy and fulfilling relationships.
I can help you explore your desires, express your fantasies, and have the sexual life of your dreams. Sessions can include everything from learning anatomy or practical skills and techniques to expanding your outlook and growing your confidence.
When you work with me, all of my knowledge and experience come into play. Like a sex-positive reference librarian, I can also point you to additional resources online, in books, and in the form of local events and organizations.
Ready to get started? Get in touch today.
What it’s like to work with me
Here’s the thing. I know it’s scary to talk to someone about sex, sexuality, and relationships. Our culture doesn’t make space for that kind of vulnerability. And on the rare occasions sex talk is allowed (locker rooms, over drinks) it isn’t with a professional that can answer your questions – it’s with friends who might have the same misconceptions as you.
I hear again and again that people don’t talk to their doctors or therapists about sex. And that’s doubly true when it involves anything considered outside the norm, like kink or open relationships.
And that’s why I do what I do. I create a safe and comfortable space where you can talk – maybe for the first time – about your desires, your sexuality, your wants, and your needs. Learn more about what sex coaching with me is like?
We had a fantastic time. Stella is cute, clever and charming, but most importantly comes across as being not only knowledgeable but also understanding and patient, which put us both at ease.
“I learned more in one night about the woman’s body then all my 36 years of being sexually active. Wow. I am so anxious to try this stuff out. The whole world needs to take that class.” ~Aaron R. “It was a truly sensational class and cascaded into a sensual explosion at home. After about ten minutes my partner said, ‘I really like that class.’ Note: She didn’t attend; I did. About 30 minutes in she said, ‘I always liked the way you touched me before, but this is different.’” ~Scott “My husband and I attended Stella’s class, and really learned a lot! Although I’ve had a vulva for 30 years and my husband for 6, the methods we’ve learned and orgasms I get as a result are new and improved! The class was well worth attending and I would recommend it to anyone with a vulva or anyone with someone with a vulva.” ~H.M.
Stella is a uniquely wonderful coach. She has the talent to immediately make you feel comfortable discussing your concerns and insecurities with the most sensitive of topics. She is a wealth of information and perspective from personal experience, and while she is always professional in what she communicates, it’s always clear that she is talking from real life experience. There is always the potential to go down a rabbit hole on these topics, and Stella also does a fantastic job of focusing the conversation to truly meet my objectives and current needs, as well as providing resources and things to think about outside of the session. I can’t recommend her highly enough.
Thank you so much for speaking at Pacific University! What can I say? You are clearly an expert level sexuality educator both in knowledge and experience as well in your ability to clearly communicate complex ideas and stage presence. Your talent as an educator is so obvious I feel there isn’t much I can say that you don’t already know. You’re wonderful at what you do. I’m so glad you are out there teaching sex + safety and eroticism. Thank you to for making last minute changes to your content. Personally, that type of thing has thrown me off my game, but you were so calm and smooth, it was seamless. Thank you!!!
“Thank you so much for your instruction and coaching in both caning and rope bondage! As I suspected, there was so much more to caning than simply a good, sound beating! It was reassuring to have such a confident, experienced and gracious instructor to help me build my confidence and develop my skill. On top of that, I immensely enjoyed the rope classes I have taken with you; not only have I learned the basic, technical aspects of safe, sexy rope tying, but found reinforcement for the consent and communication that needs to take place around such activities. Thank you for creating a relaxed and effective learning environment and I look forward to additional learning opportunities and the good, clean fun that comes along with it!”
“My partner and I were curious about incorporating rope into our relationship and I was more than a little overwhelmed with knowing where to start. I was aware of online tutorials, books, etc. that I could use as a starting point and read a few bits and pieces here and there, but what I was really looking for was someone that I felt comfortable with and could trust to ‘show me the ropes’ in person. We set up a private rope bondage lesson with Stella and it was exactly what we were looking for. She was so non-judgmental and facilitative with all my questions before, during, and after our lesson. The lesson itself was relaxed and comfortable, and covered all the basics that we needed without bombarding us with too much to absorb at once. She covered all the safety information first, and then taught us enough basic ties to really give us something to work and play with on our own. Her technique of showing us on herself, and teaching us how to tie on each other or ourselves while talking us through the steps and weaving in little tips and pointers was fantastic. She was really patient with us when we had those ‘how did you just do that?’ moments. There were a few times when it was helpful to have her demo a technique on me so my partner could learn by watching, and she asked for my consent every time she needed to touch me to do so…. how wonderful! I have since been to one of her group classes and that was also a terrific experience. She was really great at being attentive and welcoming to all the participants. I highly recommend Stella for both private and group classes.”
I came to Stella because I stopped looking forward to sex. As a single man, I had developed all kinds of stories around how sex should be enjoyed based solely on things I’d seen in media. It wasn’t until my discussions with Stella that I was able to start challenging some of my long-held misconceptions and develop an approach to sex that I’ve found to be incredibly satisfying and something I now genuinely look forward to. I would recommend Stella to anyone interested in deepening their relationship to sex, themselves and their partners.
Stella’s class ‘Mapping the Vulva’ was AWESOME! I learned more in 2 hours with her than I have in 40+ years of doctor appointments, pap smears, and having 2 children. She is a natural teacher, putting her audience at ease, informative, and professional. I would highly recommend the class – her suggestions really do work! My husband and I attended together and I haven’t had this big of a smile in a while.
Working with Stella has been life changing. Her coaching on touch and female pleasure provided information and skills that have been empowering and a source of confidence for both of us. Stella’s warm personality, enthusiasm for her work, and depth of knowledge quickly put us at ease. She was able to guide us through a previous sticking point in our communication with each other. The entire experience was joyful and rewarding, and brought us closer together as a couple.
“I can’t recommend Stella’s classes enough. She is very knowledgeable and, more importantly, continuously furthering her own education. Her informal presentation style feels more like a personal chat with with a pervy pal than a rigidly structured class.